Today sucked

Well, today sucked big time!!! I knew it was going to be a shitty day that's why I decided I would try and stay up all night. It didn't work and not only did today suck I was tired on top of it. Spent the first part of the day surprisingly enough doing ok. I started cleaning my closet and made more of a mess than ever... It's still not clean:( oh well. Then afternoon came and I hit rock bottom. I layed in bed and cried...I was almost asleep just listening to music (to mask the crying)  I was only going to cry at night! But, you can't always control everything you want. Then Jenny called and saved me she asked if I wanted to come over and do a little barbecue and I said yes. The kids were excited to see their favorite cousins. And they all hung out, I didn't eat anything I have 0 appetite. I can't explain how sad I am, I am trying so hard to be strong but it's not working as well as I thought. I guess sobbing to Les Miserable in the bath tub won't make anyone happy. I really just wish I could run away from all my problems but the only way to that is to die...and my kids need me! 

One day down, tomorrow maybe I can do a better job of acting happy! 

Because I failed miserably today!

It's midnight and it nerver fails, ever since the kids were babies. When Ben is out if town my kids will get sick. I got out of the bath tub and Colton was crying and asking for Ben. Then he threw up. I got him all snuggled in my bed and he just fell asleep. Hopefully he will feel better tomorrow.